I have been torture myself since this moring, I have felt like shit ... now I have this deep burn inside.. It's so damn hard!

I didn't have no one I could call at this time, so I called him, not Mr. Right (C), but Mr. Right Now (E)... the only one I could possibly think.. and thanks god he was home! I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell.. what stopped me was some kind of block the I have every time I talk to him. I'm not sure what the block is, it's definitely a mental block. It's like some wall I run into when I'm talking to him, and god nows that I love just to hear him speak...

He spoke, spoke so much like he always does.. repeated like a hundred times how glad he was that I was calling. And he spoke.. spoke about his week, about his adventures.. and I was listening, but I was feeling that we should be changing the papers.. but not, we didn't do it, I didn't say anything and I keep listening..

Though the conversation it wasn't too bad, I keep feeling devastated.. I wasn't sure what I really wanted to tell him, I'm not sure yet. I miss you?? I need you?? I want you by my side?? I need someone to hold me?? I need you to hold me?? (But silly me.. let just be honest.. how?!?!)

I just wanted to hear you say that you love (quieres) me, I just wanted someone close to me at that moment.. saying that words, only that.. and yes, you did it, you did your part and what did I do?? I stay as a complete idiot like always and I didn't say anything... though I needed this words, though I needed this affection, I didn't say anything .. I didn't say anything because the less thing that I need is to feel worse than I am, I know I won't handle it if he push me away, I don't even want to think about it .. but yes, I love (quiero) you too, and someday I expect to find the words inside my head, and just say it.

Escuchando: James Blunt - Back To Bedlam (The complete album)

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